you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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