I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
