He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
