Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
