We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
