JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
