I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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