from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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