Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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