the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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