Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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