Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
