Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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