My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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