at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
