Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My legs feel like baby dolphins
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
