i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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