I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
