If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
