Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
