oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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