she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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