Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
