not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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