He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
