I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
