reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My ATM looks so different sober.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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