This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
