brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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