Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
