guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
