Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Soap is not a condiment
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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