sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
