And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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