Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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