You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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