whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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