4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
