I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
