at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
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