we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
