making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
