The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
The beer is more important than you right now.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
