I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
