Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
