I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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