Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I want her autograph on my taint
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
