Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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