what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Farmville is her only friend.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
