brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
