True but thats because hes a fetus.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
